Death and departure

I don’t see any difference if a person/animal dies or just leaves.

Last week, the day I posted “Certain sadness,” my dog Angie died. She had mange but was already in recuperating period. In fact, her fur had grown and she had been playing with the cats. I felt so angry that time asking “How many deaths do I have to endure in one year?”

I named her Angie because when I got her from the streets, she had mange but I realized that Angie was more of an “angel” to us who provided us the sweetest bark in the world; and the sweetest angel we ever had.

I had her cremated because we don’t have a backyard to bury her. Her ashes is with us but I still cannot bear looking at her picture lying dead just before the cremation. Angie was my first female dog and I still love her so dearly.

* * * * *

In a week, a friend I gained in my new work is leaving. Well, we weren’t that close until the company outing last weekend. I initially didn’t want to go because I’m trying to build a wall from people. I don’t want to create friendships anymore. But there are things that can’t be avoided.

My friend is leaving the company effective March 15. We’re supposed to leave on the same day but I have a pending project and I don’t want to leave just like that.

I really didn’t want to make friends, for some reason, I just don’t want anymore. I can have them as colleagues but not friends. Unfortunately (or fortunately) we bonded during the outing. And it’s killing me to know that in the next few weeks I won’t be seeing him in his chair.

This is the very reason I tried to shield and shut off myself from the world. I hate pain, tears, and being left behind.

Sometimes, life is really a bitch.